The Last Goodbyes...

The past 24 hours has been tough.  I am in Denver now, taking a plane tomorrow morning to NYC.  It is me, my kids, Hannah (7) and Samuel (4 1/2), and our cat, Zeke.  Traveling with a cat is something I have not done before, and at this point, I hope I don't have to do it again.  In my opinion, cats are not meant to sit in a bag with shoulder straps to ride in a car over mountain passes and board a plane.  But, we love the cat, and he will most certainly be a part of our life in Manhattan, too.

Our morning started off like this...I woke up early to squeeze the last odds and ends into our overstuffed suitcases.  Their was definitely a feeling of unmentioned stress surrounding us as we prepared for the last few hours of school.  Hannah got on the bus, and I told the driver it was her last morning. Samuel was a champ as I loaded a car with every last bag and pillow and blanket that will accompany us on our travel.  The air felt particularly cold, but it must have been my nerves or my body knowing I was going to warmer weather.  I jumped in the slightly warm car and looked back at Samuel with a thumbs up.  I have told myself no matter how hard today is, I will be a solid mom and support my kids and their unsteady emotions.  Samuel is sitting in the back seat holding his nose.  Sure enough, Zeke has soiled his bag in more than one way, and the smell was debilitating.  I tried to gather my senses as I jumped out of the car and grabbed the cat bag. I ran to the front door of the condo and shook the lock furiously as I remembered I locked it minutes ago and left the keys inside because I was not returning.  I think, "Corbin's shop".  There are towels and cleaning supplies there.  I rushed Samuel to school as the cat flipped around in the bag with an angry meow.  Samuel held his nose the whole way down the mountain although I kept the window cracked with no avail.  There are so many mornings when I drop Samuel at school in a rush and he melts down and doesn't want me to leave.  But this morning he was easy.  He probably feared sitting in the car with the cat more than staying at school.

Five minutes later I arrive at the shop.  I cleaned the carrier best I could, but those with pets know how difficult it is to eradicate the smell no matter how clean it looks.  I felt panicked and I called Corbin in tears.  How can he be on the streets of NYC in a sweater drinking a fresh carrot juice?  That is where I want to be, but I am here, in the cold with a smelly cat and kids to get to NYC.  Oh yeah, didn't he just drive a U-Haul van pulling his car for 3 whole days?  And isn't he spending everyday moving in and unpacking?  In moving cross-country, there is no rest for the weary.  I ask him if it is okay to drop the cat to P.A.W.S on my way back to town.  Then as I was driving, the cat somehow wiggled enough to open the zipper on his bag and escape from the carrier and climb to the dashboard.  I went straight to the vet for an instant dose of sedation for the cat and sanity for myself.  It was also to be one last dose of Crested Butte kindness.  It is amazing how much we love here and live simply.  The vet tech generously cleaned the carrier and the cat again, and they sent me on my way with a little more advice, pill pockets, and sedatives.  I tried to go the natural way as we usually do, but I wimped out.  I looked at the little cat and his scared face.  I couldn't be mad. It changed my whole attitude and prepared me more than I thought I needed when I would soon walk my crying daughter out of her school.

My next stop was the store for an extra roll of paper towels and a Kombucha.  Too early to drink, but occasionally, these drinks will give you a little fuzzy feeling.  Then I went to the preschool.  My tears started to fall.  My kids started at this school when they were about 18 months old.  I have served on the board for over 3 years and led as Chairman for over a year.  Almost every teacher in the school has taught both of my kids and given me the confident words every mother needs to hear about her children in school.  I have loved being a part of this place.  But Samuel is too young to realize he won't be back here for school.  What bliss!

Next, we drove to Hannah's school.  Two hours wasn't long enough for her today.  I worried about even sending her because we had to leave so early, but she really wanted to go.  Nothing sets reality more quickly than each kid saying goodbye and realizing she isn't going on vacation and she won't be back after Christmas break.  I think for Hannah it is hard to understand that although her class will go on without her, she will have another class that begins after the holidays.

We picked up a best friend, too, who is going to Denver.  So, three kids, one cat, and one mom cry as we drive down Highway 135.  I was hoping it would be something a bit more glamorous, but there wasn't room for glamour today.  We passed our old house, but it looked just the same as every other time I have driven past.  It is not ours anymore.  Our place is in the city, and my husband has proudly told me that he set up the living room in exactly the same way that our old living room was laid out.  He wants us to walk in tomorrow and feel at home.  Since that is what is waiting for us in NY, that is where we need to be.

I have gotten so caught up in writing about today, but I need to quickly share yesterday, my last day.  I have a true affinity for the Colorado blue sky.  I mean not a cloud in sight.  It's brilliance and the purity stir my soul over and over again.  It was one of those days.  As the day's light began to fade, I was driving down Elk Ave. and I looked at Mt. Crested Butte.  The peak was lit up with sunlight.  An ode to me for so many days of celebrated life.  It is impossible not to celebrate life in a place like Crested Butte.   I am not sure one more day is ever enough.

All week, my friends and I anticipated the last goodbye as friends and neighbors in the community.  While we won't have that in common anymore, I believe that our move will open new opportunities in our friendships.  I look forward to having visitors in NYC.  But, that last goodbye was the hardest.  In some ways, it made me doubt my decision for a minute.  I know we have made an impression during our time in Crested Butte.  But I hope the most that we have been an inspiration.  Each trip past our old home on the highway and the still visible Marr Corp. sign hanging above the shop will be reminders that we were here.

As I close, I realize I couldn't be any better off.  We have so much and love and support on each end of our journey.  Those waving goodbye and those awaiting our arrival.  I wish my kids could comprehend that now, but they can't yet.  But I will remember, and I will tell them.

Leaving is the Hardest Part

There has been so much excitement for my family with this move.  A roller coaster of emotions.  The decision to move is exciting in itself ~ an unknown adventure about to begin.  The best part is that we have known from day one that we are in it together.  We are young, and we are in need of a new way of life.  But with the business of the traveling and planning, it is easy to forget how it will really feel to leave.  For months, we have shared our plans and timeline with friends, but now we are at the point where it is time to say goodbye and the reality and sadness is setting in.  I have one more week here in Crested Butte to live like a local and be with our friends.  

A friend commented to me today that it will be strange not to see me on errands or picking the kids up at school.  My kids won't even be at the school.  I haven't realized this until now, but through my 10 years in Crested Butte, I haven't had any friends move away.  Crested Butte folk are very committed.  Why would you want to move away?  We live at the base of an AMAZING mountain, the town is amongst the safest in America, and we can ski, bike, or hike right out our back door.  But there are downsides, too.  It can be VERY cold.  -30 degrees, anyone?  To name a few others:  my old driveway with 3 foot snowdrifts, not many great job opportunities (unless you want to work in a restaurant or be a lift-op),  and it is a town in which many residents oppose development.  That is a tough pill to swallow when you are young and ambitious.  

Living in an icebox (I believe Gunnison County is known to be one of the coldest places in the country) is not for the faint of heart.  Coming from the South, I have lived in both extremes, hot and cold.  I am not sure which one I prefer because the grass always seems greener on the other side.  I laugh because my Southern City-Livin' friends think life must be so easy out west.  That is until they come and visit.  Remote living is not always as easy as it seems.  Maybe we don't wear suits and sit in an hour of traffic twice a day, but we do drive 28 miles for Walmart and a large grocery, bundle our kids in so many clothes you can hardly buckle the car seat, shovel tons of snow, and spend weeks mending fences and yards after 7 months of winter.  It makes us tough.  I am proud of the fact that I can be tough.  I can do whatever I put my mind to.  I learned that here in Crested Butte.  I can go out and ski the North Face at too many degrees below zero, I can carry my kids on my back up to the peaks of our many mountains, and I can live thousands of miles away from my family and friends.  

I am preparing myself for my last drive as a resident from Crested Butte exactly a week from today.  I will have to pass by our old house one more time.  I will see that someone else lives there and we have moved all of our things out.  I will see the timber head gate which are the only saved pieces of the former Gothic Building at the base area before the Muellers brought such amazing changes.  I will see where our horses lived and their hay storage, feeder, round pin, and shelter.  In my rearview mirror, I will catch one last glimpse of the new deck we built before we decided to move.  So much happened in my life on that 3.4 acre parcel.  My husband had his eye on it for years before I even moved to Crested Butte, but we owned it for 8 years, and we made it ours.  At first, we built a modest little house with all that we could afford.  It is where we brought our babies home.  We added on as our family grew.  At one time, it held 2 parents, 2 kids, 2 horses, 2 dogs, and 2 cats.  Our dream, our own little ranch in the mountains of Colorado.  So many sunny days I would stand in my bedroom looking over what we had and such feelings of joy and happiness would swell in my heart.   My husband always said he would be buried out back!  We have been very blessed.

So our dream has changed.  We don't want that anymore.  That doesn't mean that the decision to sell our home and move on was an easy one.  Realizing that a life-long dream is changing is a strange feeling.  What do you do with yourself when your old dream is such a huge part of you?  You embrace what you know and allow yourself to change.  There is no sense in letting your dream roll over you and pull you back in like the tide if your soul needs something new.  Without living out this dream, I wouldn't be who I am, I wouldn't be prepared to realize new dreams awaiting me.

As I am on this new journey, I find myself forgetting to take a deep breath.  Everything has been so busy.  I guess I could say the journey began the day we decided to make changes, but right now, I feel that I am in the heart of it.  The most exciting part is here now, the change.  It is almost as if I have been the little engine huffing up the hill saying, "I think I can, I think I can".  I am almost to the top about to say, "I thought I could".  That is how we have to answer our soul's calling for something new.

A Little History...

This December, I am leaving my beloved Crested Butte, Colorado for NYC.  Because I have never lived in such a great sized city or in the northeast for that matter, this move may seem a bit random.  My roots are Southern, and I have lived in the West for the past 10 years.  But, this choice is anticipated and carefully planned.  My family and I will be moving to the Chelsea area in Manhattan just in time for Christmas!

The town of Crested Butte sits at about 9,000 ft. and is inhabited by a few thousand locals.  When the snow starts to fall, we get our skis ready for 5 months of lift-access skiing and even longer for back-country skiing.  The visitors will start to arrive closer to the Christmas and New Years holidays so this small mountain town will soon be buzzing with an amazing spirit.  Then there is the dramatic swing in the number of visitors between the winter and summer seasons.  When the resort shuts down in early April, the town becomes very quiet until just before the 4th of July.  It is quiet enough during our off-seasons, that most of the restaurants and retail businesses temporarily close down.  Summertime in Crested Butte is very popular with the amazing wildflowers, hiking, and mountain biking trails.  Then, it is quiet again once schools are back in session, and the summer days begin to loose their glory.  Then the ski season rolls around again just in time.

Crested Butte has been my home for the past 10 years.  It is here that I married, built a home, had 2 children, entered my 30s, made wonderful friendships, skied, hiked, and became more of the woman I am meant to be.  I can't imagine having experienced these milestones in another place.  My family's roots have been started here, and although we will now spread our roots in other places, we will never forget where they began.  When we come back to Crested Butte as visitors, we will not be your average tourist who comes to ski or enjoy the wildflowers.  We will be more.  We have lived it, changed because of it, and we chose to move on because it made us ready for something bigger.  Crested Butte has nurtured us as a family and made us ready to go do something great in another place.

My husband is a General Contractor of some of the finest homes in Crested Butte.  We have been very blessed to have great work and great clients even through the recent downturn.  Some of our clients, the people who find Crested Butte and make it their second home, have become closer than family.  To think that they will be spending another Christmas in Crested Butte, but without us, seems a bit unsettling to me today, but I know this Christmas will be great for us, too.  We will most likely go to Rockefeller Center and watch the ice skaters, see The Lion King on Broadway, see our real families who all live closer to NY than Colorado, explore our new city, and get ready for new schools and jobs in January.

This is just a little history of what we are coming from and what we have decided to do!  I will tell our story as we go...