The Last Goodbyes...

The past 24 hours has been tough.  I am in Denver now, taking a plane tomorrow morning to NYC.  It is me, my kids, Hannah (7) and Samuel (4 1/2), and our cat, Zeke.  Traveling with a cat is something I have not done before, and at this point, I hope I don't have to do it again.  In my opinion, cats are not meant to sit in a bag with shoulder straps to ride in a car over mountain passes and board a plane.  But, we love the cat, and he will most certainly be a part of our life in Manhattan, too.

Our morning started off like this...I woke up early to squeeze the last odds and ends into our overstuffed suitcases.  Their was definitely a feeling of unmentioned stress surrounding us as we prepared for the last few hours of school.  Hannah got on the bus, and I told the driver it was her last morning. Samuel was a champ as I loaded a car with every last bag and pillow and blanket that will accompany us on our travel.  The air felt particularly cold, but it must have been my nerves or my body knowing I was going to warmer weather.  I jumped in the slightly warm car and looked back at Samuel with a thumbs up.  I have told myself no matter how hard today is, I will be a solid mom and support my kids and their unsteady emotions.  Samuel is sitting in the back seat holding his nose.  Sure enough, Zeke has soiled his bag in more than one way, and the smell was debilitating.  I tried to gather my senses as I jumped out of the car and grabbed the cat bag. I ran to the front door of the condo and shook the lock furiously as I remembered I locked it minutes ago and left the keys inside because I was not returning.  I think, "Corbin's shop".  There are towels and cleaning supplies there.  I rushed Samuel to school as the cat flipped around in the bag with an angry meow.  Samuel held his nose the whole way down the mountain although I kept the window cracked with no avail.  There are so many mornings when I drop Samuel at school in a rush and he melts down and doesn't want me to leave.  But this morning he was easy.  He probably feared sitting in the car with the cat more than staying at school.

Five minutes later I arrive at the shop.  I cleaned the carrier best I could, but those with pets know how difficult it is to eradicate the smell no matter how clean it looks.  I felt panicked and I called Corbin in tears.  How can he be on the streets of NYC in a sweater drinking a fresh carrot juice?  That is where I want to be, but I am here, in the cold with a smelly cat and kids to get to NYC.  Oh yeah, didn't he just drive a U-Haul van pulling his car for 3 whole days?  And isn't he spending everyday moving in and unpacking?  In moving cross-country, there is no rest for the weary.  I ask him if it is okay to drop the cat to P.A.W.S on my way back to town.  Then as I was driving, the cat somehow wiggled enough to open the zipper on his bag and escape from the carrier and climb to the dashboard.  I went straight to the vet for an instant dose of sedation for the cat and sanity for myself.  It was also to be one last dose of Crested Butte kindness.  It is amazing how much we love here and live simply.  The vet tech generously cleaned the carrier and the cat again, and they sent me on my way with a little more advice, pill pockets, and sedatives.  I tried to go the natural way as we usually do, but I wimped out.  I looked at the little cat and his scared face.  I couldn't be mad. It changed my whole attitude and prepared me more than I thought I needed when I would soon walk my crying daughter out of her school.

My next stop was the store for an extra roll of paper towels and a Kombucha.  Too early to drink, but occasionally, these drinks will give you a little fuzzy feeling.  Then I went to the preschool.  My tears started to fall.  My kids started at this school when they were about 18 months old.  I have served on the board for over 3 years and led as Chairman for over a year.  Almost every teacher in the school has taught both of my kids and given me the confident words every mother needs to hear about her children in school.  I have loved being a part of this place.  But Samuel is too young to realize he won't be back here for school.  What bliss!

Next, we drove to Hannah's school.  Two hours wasn't long enough for her today.  I worried about even sending her because we had to leave so early, but she really wanted to go.  Nothing sets reality more quickly than each kid saying goodbye and realizing she isn't going on vacation and she won't be back after Christmas break.  I think for Hannah it is hard to understand that although her class will go on without her, she will have another class that begins after the holidays.

We picked up a best friend, too, who is going to Denver.  So, three kids, one cat, and one mom cry as we drive down Highway 135.  I was hoping it would be something a bit more glamorous, but there wasn't room for glamour today.  We passed our old house, but it looked just the same as every other time I have driven past.  It is not ours anymore.  Our place is in the city, and my husband has proudly told me that he set up the living room in exactly the same way that our old living room was laid out.  He wants us to walk in tomorrow and feel at home.  Since that is what is waiting for us in NY, that is where we need to be.

I have gotten so caught up in writing about today, but I need to quickly share yesterday, my last day.  I have a true affinity for the Colorado blue sky.  I mean not a cloud in sight.  It's brilliance and the purity stir my soul over and over again.  It was one of those days.  As the day's light began to fade, I was driving down Elk Ave. and I looked at Mt. Crested Butte.  The peak was lit up with sunlight.  An ode to me for so many days of celebrated life.  It is impossible not to celebrate life in a place like Crested Butte.   I am not sure one more day is ever enough.

All week, my friends and I anticipated the last goodbye as friends and neighbors in the community.  While we won't have that in common anymore, I believe that our move will open new opportunities in our friendships.  I look forward to having visitors in NYC.  But, that last goodbye was the hardest.  In some ways, it made me doubt my decision for a minute.  I know we have made an impression during our time in Crested Butte.  But I hope the most that we have been an inspiration.  Each trip past our old home on the highway and the still visible Marr Corp. sign hanging above the shop will be reminders that we were here.

As I close, I realize I couldn't be any better off.  We have so much and love and support on each end of our journey.  Those waving goodbye and those awaiting our arrival.  I wish my kids could comprehend that now, but they can't yet.  But I will remember, and I will tell them.